Rituals that Keep me Soft (Even When Life is Hard)

There are days when the world feels like a meat grinder and I’m just emotional ground beef trying to hold it together. And still—I want to stay soft. One of my first tattoos (inner wrist) was the simple words "be soft" in my own handwriting, quoting the poem by Kurt Vonnegut. "Be soft, don't let the world make you hard. Don't let the pain make you hate..."

Not “soft” like passive. Not “soft” like doormat.

I mean soft like sacred.

Soft like unbothered.

Soft like “I cried this morning and still look hot in a messy bun” kind of soft.

Because when life tries to harden you, you need rituals that remind you who you are beneath the armor.

Here are some of the little things I do to stay soft (especially when everything is loud, ugly, or on fire):

 

 

🕯️ 1. Lighting a Candle = Lighting a Boundary

 

It’s simple, but when I light a candle, I’m signaling to my nervous system:

we are safe now. we are home now. we are in charge of the vibe.

Sometimes I speak a little mantra, sometimes I just let the flame flicker while I breathe.

This is my version of holy fire. I use candles in a lot of my rituals, and I try and light candles on a regular basis. My nervous system is programmed to let go, breathe, and relax. 

 

📓 2. Journaling, But Not the Pretty Kind

 

This isn’t bullet journaling with pastel highlighters.

This is “I am spiraling and need to get the gremlins out of my head” journaling.

I let myself be messy, incoherent, dramatic.

Because getting real on paper helps me get soft again in real life.

(And occasionally? It keeps me from sending texts I’ll regret.)

 

🌿 3. Touching Nature, Even If It’s Just a Houseplant

 

I go outside barefoot. (Not right now, it's 103* outside).

I sit in the sun.

I whisper sweet nothings to my dying pothos.

Touching the earth reminds me that I’m part of something bigger than my to-do list, my inbox, or my latest emotional unraveling. My dad is a huge outdoorsman and being in nature resets me back to factory settings. 

 

🧼 4. Glam Time as Sacred Practice

 

Self-care gets marketed as bath bombs and serums, but for me?

Doing my skincare, putting on mascara, or throwing on a comfy outfit is ritual.

It’s honoring my body, even if I don’t feel hot.

It’s reminding myself: this vessel deserves tenderness.

 

💪 5. Rage-Sweating Is Still Sacred

 

Yes, I lift weights. Yes, I sometimes imagine I’m throwing my trauma out of my biceps.

It’s not always cute, but it keeps me soft after. I recommend a weight lifting program to everyone, but especially people in transition. 

My softness is built on strength, not in place of it.

 

☕ 6. Morning Coffee. Eye Masks. Memes.

 

I let my brain exist before I invite the real world in. 

This is a hard boundary and one of the most effective softness rituals I have.

Even 5 minutes of quiet sipping shifts my whole nervous system. My family and I watch the bunnies do their morning olympics, I get caffeinated, and ready to face anything the day is going to throw at me. 

 

Final Thoughts

Softness isn’t weakness.

It’s emotional rebellion.

It’s choosing to stay open even when you’ve been hurt, choosing peace even when chaos is familiar, choosing rituals that remind you: you deserve good things, even now.

So if life feels heavy? Choose one small ritual today that keeps you soft.

Light the damn candle.

Write the dramatic journal entry.

Take the long shower.

Ignore the text.

You’re allowed to take care of yourself like you matter—because you do.